i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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