you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pants are for mortals
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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