so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
