I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
