I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
