It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
