Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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