Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My vagina is very pro this idea
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
