Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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