P.S. I can't hear my feet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
