I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
