i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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