moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
