nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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