What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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