i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
