I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
