Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
