please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
