I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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