I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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