just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
