shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
