One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
