There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
