ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
