We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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