i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
