you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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