when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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