Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so let's talk penis.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
BRING THE BAGELS
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
