are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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