yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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