I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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