He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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