then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
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So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.