So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
operation harelip BJ is a go
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.