Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too