Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?