I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!