My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My ass is underappreciated
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".