She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.