apparently the secret to your success is patron
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
pop tarts are not kleenex
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..