i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
