I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
