i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
