I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
