Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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