i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
