i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
