Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
