fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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