That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
