im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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