Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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