so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
