I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
