Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i think i scared a bird with my dick
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
