Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
