Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
