That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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