Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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