how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
