Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
