My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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