grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish I only lived at night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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