And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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