..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
