The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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