just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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