I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
