Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
