yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
