ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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