I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
