FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
