Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
