my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
