Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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