Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
