Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
