The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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