After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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