sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
