It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
