Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
