Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
