Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
