not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
