U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
too bad you live with your parents still
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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