dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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