90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
